-David Choi
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You know how Facebook will show the two people that you talk
to the most under recent contacts?
She is not there anymore.
What is this mixed feelings I am having? I am sad to be
honest. It’s a little sad isn’t it? How two people can be the closest human
beings and another day, they are not anymore.
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After the break up, I built my wall, as thick as I could, as high as I could reach. I thought it was perfect, I thought I am healed, I thought I am alright. I could even talk to her normally on the messenger. When she did not reply my casual his and byes, I could just wave it away with the thought, well, we are not together anymore. But why is it that just by appearing before me, the wall that I so carefully built, brick by brick, came crumbling down. This is a joke, ain't it?
T____________________T
And then, for a very long time after that, I cried. I cried like it was the first time she said to me, I don't want this anymore.
On second thought, it was the first time I saw her after we broke up. And she said that I was prettier before this HAHAHAHAHAHA FML thanks for breaking my heart and then kick it.
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The things that she gave me.... I still have them. I don't have any courage to throw them away because then it will be real. Final fuckingly real. I know I am an idiot for holding onto these feelings and memories that she probably never even gave one millisecond of thought to but.... I don't know. I just can't. T_T Someone please help me to.
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What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I really hope it is true. And I hope it comes fast because I have had enough of being a pathetic little shit. T________T
Maybe one day when I reread this post, I will come to realize what a foolish little motherfucker piece of shit I am and that it is okay to feel sad and cry sometimes. It is okay to not be strong. And it is okay to love again. But right now, I need to focus on not crying and be natural around the person that .... I used to know.
It's okay to cry after all humans are full with feelings which makes us human. And the stuff from her, it can be easy to throw but the things in your heart is not. The stuff are just dead things and you are alive what you wan to do next depends on yourself.
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