A missing piece

There's a missing piece inside of me, the rhythm of my heart hits unevenly,

-David Choi

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You know how Facebook will show the two people that you talk to the most under recent contacts?

She is not there anymore.

What is this mixed feelings I am having? I am sad to be honest. It’s a little sad isn’t it? How two people can be the closest human beings and another day, they are not anymore.

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After the break up, I built my wall, as thick as I could, as high as I could reach. I thought it was perfect, I thought I am healed, I thought I am alright. I could even talk to her normally on the messenger. When she did not reply my casual his and byes, I could just wave it away with the thought, well, we are not together anymore. But why is it that just by appearing before me, the wall that I so carefully built, brick by brick, came crumbling down. This is a joke, ain't it? 

T____________________T

And then, for a very long time after that, I cried. I cried like it was the first time she said to me, I don't want this anymore.

On second thought, it was the first time I saw her after we broke up. And she said that I was prettier before this HAHAHAHAHAHA FML thanks for breaking my heart and then kick it. 

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The things that she gave me.... I still have them. I don't have any courage to throw them away because then it will be real. Final fuckingly real. I know I am an idiot for holding onto these feelings and memories that she probably never even gave one millisecond of thought to but.... I don't know. I just can't. T_T Someone please help me to. 

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What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I really hope it is true. And I hope it comes fast because I have had enough of being a pathetic little shit. T________T

Maybe one day when I reread this post, I will come to realize what a foolish little motherfucker piece of shit I am and that it is okay to feel sad and cry sometimes. It is okay to not be strong. And it is okay to love again. But right now, I need to focus on not crying and be natural around the person that .... I used to know. 

When I was 7

When I was 7, my mom gave me my first pocket money, I think it was RM3. Prior to that, I always brought breads to school for lunches and would not need to spend any money. I forgot why and how but I was given three bucks.

Big fucking deal.


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But to the seven-year-old sloth who has never had even one ringgit before, the sloth viewed the three blue notes as if they were the ring that everyone fought to have in LOTR. My preciousssss (please read this in Gollum's voice thanks)

Somehow, a crisis happened.

Yes, one of the three blue notes went missing. Dropped. Disappeared like Houdini. Poof. Nowhere to be seen.

The seven year old Sloth retraced her steps and went back to everywhere she was. She went to the office, to the bookstore and looked for it on the floor. Her friends helped too.

But the blue note remained missing or had acquired an invisibility cloak, she does not know. She was worried and her friend told her that they should just report it to the teacher. When she recounted the story to the teacher, she cried super pitifully.

The kind teacher took out a one ringgit note from her desk and told her that someone has picked it up earlier and has handed it to her.

Sloth was once again reunited with one of the three blue notes and the four of them (Sloth and the three blue notes) lived happily ever after.

The end.

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But right, now that I am older and relatively wiser, I now realize that the blue note must have came out from the teacher's own pocket lololol. Anyway, if you are reading this, Pn. Violet (even though I don' t think you would lololol) THANK YOU <3

and erm when I told C this story, she laughed at me fml and asked me to blog about it ahhHahahhaha so here it is.

Okbyeee

HAPPY IS ME

BECAUSE GUESS WHO GOT HER COLLEGE DORM?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????


ME, THATS WHO!

I AM SO HAPPY I SHOULD DO TWO BACKFLIPS AND ONE PENGUIN DANCE
<3


Thankyou Buddha, Allah, Jesus

and also C and also TP whom i pester to pray for me HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHA